When waking from sleep, raise your medicine ball head, draw open your eyelids like blinds and let the heavenly glory shine in. Today is your chance to discover 'The Origin and Goal of History'. It was German philosopher Karl Jaspers who first coined the term 'Axial Age' to denote the spiritual transformations taking place between 800 and 200 BCE. It was the era of Confucius, Socrates, Buddha, Laozi, Phythagorus, Jeremiah and more, known as the Axial Sages. These revolutionary spiritual insights arrived against a background of violence and horror.

 

The word 'belief' only arose in the 17th Century to mean the acceptance of certain doctrines. Etymologically 'belief' comes from the Old English word 'geleafa' - meaning to love. It was through love and compassion that one came closer to God. Confucius, 500 years before Christ, came up with the idea of the 'Golden Rule' - "What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others."

 

When we come into contact with this type of selfless, egoless existence, only then do we come to know God. A beautiful example of this can be found in The Iliad. In Homer's epic poem the Trojan Prince Hector kills Achilles' beloved friend Patroclus, encouraging the Greek warrior to return to a battle he was leaving. When Achilles gets hold of Hector he kills him and subsequently mutilates his body. Spitefully Achilles holds onto the body not allowing the proper burial rites, in Greek culture this would have meant Hector's soul was damned to wandering eternally lost. So Priam, the Trojan king, sneaks into the Greek camp disguised. He supplicates Achilles and asks for his son's body back to bury - "I have endured what no one on earth has ever done before--I put to my lips the hands of the man who killed my son". 

 

Priam reminds Achilles of his own father and they come to the agreement that he can have Hector's body back. At that moment they fill the room with tears. The sharing of tears held a religious power in Classical Greece. As they are weeping together they see each other as divine. It was the mutual compassion that raised the experience of God.

BRYAN FERRY MARRIES 29-YEAR-OLD GIRLFRIEND

Roxy Music's Bryan Ferry has married girlfriend Amanda Sheppard in a "private" and "simple" ceremony. The union was sealed on the islands of Turks and Caicos, a final Caribbean* outpost for the convulsing carrion of British colonialism. At 66 Bryan is no spring chicken, more of a winter chicken burger on the way to the mouth of destiny, and he has raised many an eyebrow after marrying PR girlfriend Amanda Sheppard. She is 36 years Ferry's junior and is rumoured to have dated his son Issac.

But Ferry is not the sort of man to allow the ruffling of his feathers by critics and ill-wishers. In fact he considers the sexing of younger women almost obligatory. Following the divorce from his first wife Ferry started dating dancer Katie Turner, 35 years his junior. Ferry spoke to the Mail On Sunday about his philandering with younger women:

'The interesting thing is - and I don’t want to say the wrong thing in case I get into trouble with my girlfriend - you never really meet people your own age who aren’t married.

'I’m very fortunate that I work in music, where you’re in touch with different age groups, either the audience or people you work with.

'It does help. Obviously I’m not ageist!'


Ferry has had a string of high profile relationships including Jerry Hall, who later left him for Mick Jagger.

The story has started trending on entertainment websites and courting comment on social networks. One mildly incensed fan had this to say:

"I have a message for  Bryan - This makes you a player! but also a little odd. If I married my son's ex it would feel a little like I was staring at my own asshole for the rest of my life - sort it out Bry!"

another:

"Bryan I can't believe your girlfriend is so HOT, you've got a face like a bag of old smashed crabs! #craddlesnatcher"

Well good luck from the infinite cat - don't watch the film Damage it will keep you awake at night.


* I had a mental block trying to spell Caribbean, attempted 14 different versions before seeking help from the Dictionary. In the process of discovering the correct spelling I devised a helpful way to remember it: "In the Caribbean you carry one rib and one bean" - total genius, feel free to help your children learn with it.

INFINITY!

The Infinite Cat's Wish~Bone

Heliocentric iris................

Lizst on St. Francis of Assisi

Today I bring you Lizst, an impressive specimen from C18th Hungry. This tune is a dedication to Saint Francis of Assisi. Francis was a wild cat. He took to a life of austerity after a fairly affluent upbringing, walking around barefoot not caring if P Diddy had a new watch or diamond bracelet. He managed to persuade the Pope he wasn't chatting shit when his contemporaries would have been burnt for heresy. He even managed to convince a Muslim Sultan to get down with the big JC - no mean feat. But we have a curious suspicion he was lost in a prison of his own device - stigmata my smegma! 

 

We occupy a confusing world. The first thing i'll touch on is human fallibility. The Milgram experiments reveal man as a weak and obedient beast, with the 'innocent' potential to commit the most heinous of crimes. If we cast our eyes over the books of world history, a ruthless and bloody hydra burns amongst its leafs. The history of this country is not exceptional with a string of murders knotting the story together. Indeed many of our most celebrated monarchs have dealt in bloody executions, even Elizabeth I ordered the axe to be brought down upon the neck of her cousin Mary Queen of Scots. Elizabeth's predecessor had earned herself the epithet 'Bloody'. Bloody Mary didn't care too much for Anglicans and requested the burning of more than 300 in short succession - she even put Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, to death. Her father Henry VIII had executed two of his wives and, estimated in the contemporaneous Holinshed's Chronicles, ordered the deaths of 72,000 of his countrymen. 

 

Outside the Tudor dynasty violent death further blackens our national consciousness. Edward II's wife ran off with another dude only to return with her new beau to dispose of the king. They achieved this by shoving a red-hot poker up his anus, as to leave no marks on his body. Charles I had his head chopped off and even one of our greatest kings, Henry II had Thomas Beckett shanked. Injustice and human cruelty is unending and it serves little purpose listing more despicable murders, such as the jewish or Rwandan Genocides, for their multitude. You may have been in a relationship that you destroyed only to discover they were the love of your life. You may have walked off a stationary escalator and felt like you were whizzing along the ground. You may have run with ideas that self-harm - you may not be yourself.

 

Bill Hicks dedicated his life to comedy and the uncovering of corrupt authority. Hicks was right to highlight the one-sided news coverage of drug taking, he was correct in terms of the ATF's appalling behaviour at the Waco siege and his many other grievances. But he was mistaken in his understanding of existence as a simple division between fear and love. 

 

As Colonel Kurtz points out in Apocolypse Now the 'horror' is king. The horror is the only truth. We all have the potential to go mad, basking in the muted incarnadine light. Perhaps the only truth is horror - Horror is truth, truth horror. That is all ye know and all ye need to know. We hereby strip Assisi of his sanctity and call all humanity to kill themselves in honour of martyrdom to horror.